TOP 3 MUST have skills you need to learnt beat your anxieties

Would becoming an expert of your own mind to control and to beat your anxieties be of value to you?

Yes? Then taking a little time out to engage with this blog is one of your first decision to whole new life.


I discovered these skills once I decided I had enough of doing anxiety, depression, negative thinking and suicidal thoughts, and I was going to finally do something about it for good.

My personal journey took through my GP practice who signed me up to active monitoring (basically making sure I didn’t get worse) where I would talk to a mental health worker.

Due to my career in the health and social care sector what they were sharing with me was just general knowledge and less than what I was actually training carers. So for me this wasn’t any real help.

I was on Fluoxetine and it was doing what it needed to do, that is dropping my depression scale number so I was able to function better. Yet sadly not really addressing the deep-down issues.

However, I was determined this time to make the changes I needed (as in the past it didn’t really change) so I started by sharing my feelings and experiences with a friend. This for me was a huge step by acknowledging I wasn’t ok.

Soon as I shared this the darkest around me became a little lighter. The more I shared the lighter my life became. I wanted to make it work so I sort out a new life and new outlook on my purpose.

This meant I started to learn new skills and revisited old ones that enabled me to actually and honestly make those changes I wanted. Below I am outline three skills that have made a huge difference to my life and still do as I continue to use them and teach them to my clients.

Top 3 MUST Skills:

With every skill there is a little knowledge that goes behind them, so before I share the skills, I will set out the knowledge.

The mind is a powerful tool, full of positive and good intentions, yet sometimes with poor execution of its intentions. For example your mind is designed to protect you from harm (fight or flight etc), now the way it can protect you is to give information in way that stops you from doing something. This can be done through negative chatter (the monkey), telling you are rubbish, worthless and no one likes you. It does this so you do not try, and when you do not try you can not be hurt by it. Therefore I’ve protected you, creating a self-limiting belief. Now on the other side of that argument there is part of you telling you are good, you are worthy and everyone wants to know what you have to say, this too protects you. You are in two-minds…conscious and unconscious.

Now if the problem you had was a conscious one you would simply fix it and it would no longer be a problem. Therefore your problem is unconscious, which is totally inside of you, yet totally outside of your control. So there is no point in trying to fix the problem consciously, you have to do it unconsciously.

The unconscious mind is powerful, so when you know how it works you can use it to your advantage rather than on total autopilot. The unconscious mind has been programmed over the years to consistently seek evidence to prove that it’s programme is correct. This is why when you believe something you find it easy to see what you are thinking. For example if you believe you can not do something you find all the evidence validate that belief… ‘If you think you can or can not you are right” - Henry Ford. It is the same when you want buy something, you become tuned into that item and see it more and more.

What you believe becomes true…however beliefs are not true, you just act as if they are true. A human construct…you believe it, you construct it, it becomes real. Your mind is unable to tell the difference between what is real or imagined, what I mean by this is that you create it internally within your mind. The mind believes what you think whether that is real or imagined. A study was done measuring the brain activity when people drank their favourite drink and when they imagined drink it. In both cases the same areas of the brain lit-up whether they did it for real or imagined it.

One final point before going onto the skills, if you only remember one thing let it be this. The mind creates a physical response to an internal construct, this means your mind and body are linked. So when you do sad, your body has a physical way of doing it, when you do scared, your body has a physical way of doing it, when you do anxious, your body has a physical way of doing it. This is exactly the same for all the positive ones too, your body has a physical way of doing them all. Now if your mind is unable to tell what is real or imagined you can easily and quickly change how you feel by changing your physiology.

Skill One:

Using the above information above, change your physiology. Most people have the same location for doing negative and positive. So let me ask you a question…when you do negative thinking what is your physical body and posture like? Do you look down, hunch your shoulders, narrow your gaze, tighten your body and become smaller in size? Yes? So what are you like when you are positive, happy, confident, self-assured? Probably totally the opposite…so all you have to do is change your posture.

Stand up, move, look up, put your arms in the air, look all around and then put yourself into the posture you have when you are positive and I bet that is forward and up.

This skill works so well for me, that within 30 seconds my feelings, mood and outlook is changed. I even got my daughter who was 9 at the time to join in on the walk to school. I got her to put hands in the air above her head and then to look up. We both did this walking down the street - we probably looked daft, I didn’t care, as I knew it would work (it is a belief). Within 30 seconds, if not less I had stopped doing depression and when I got home I was able to go straight to work full of positivity.

Skill Two:

Your mind is only able to tune into and listen to one audio track at any one time. Negative chatter for many can be the sole audio track that is played reenforcing the negative belief as your mind looks for the proof.

Great skill I learnt was to actively change the track. Now if you try to initially change the track to a positive chatter, your unconscious mind that has years of practice will tell you to get lost (or a stronger version of that) and turn it straight back. This is due to the years of unconscious programme that is totally inside of you and outside of your conscious control. An unconscious belief can be changed via working with the unconscious, but for now you can use a conscious action that turns it off.

For this conscious action to happen you have to actively talk, rather than listen. Like I said if you go straight for positive self talk you may find it snap straight back. So instead of positive chatter go for a positive song. A control song. A positive, high impacting song that triggers off past beliefs, thought, feelings and memories (an anchor).

So, when the negative chatter appears you effectively change the track/station/channel to this positive song. How you do the next part is totally up to you and will depend upon the situation you are in. You sing the song, that can be done out loud or within your head. Sing the song deliberately will stop the chatter. Give it a go now, list all the foods you have eaten today over and over, keep going, and then start singing happy birthday. What happened to the list of foods?

The exact same will happen to the negative chatter. Now as this part of your mind has been doing this chatter for a long time it may start again once you’ve finished singing. Like all other exercises in life you have to repeat, repeat, repeat and keep repeating. You will build up that muscle, so much so in the future you could just think of that song and it stops the chatter.

The beauty of this skill is that it can be done anywhere and people will not know you are doing it as it is all being done inside of you. This skill has worked massively for those that struggle in social situations, public spaces and in groups.

Skill Three:

This skill comes from the Hawaiian belief system called Huna ‘the secret’. The skill is Hakalau, which has been adopted in NLP (neruo-linguistic programming) and known as ‘the learning state’.

If you are a driver you would already be very aware of this state. Have you ever driven from A-B and not remembered the journey? Yet you got there safetly…autopilot…sort of. This is also a state of trance/hypnosis at a low level meaning if something needed you to react you would and do.

So, as you are driving and not consciously paying attention to the world you drift with parts of your senses turning off as they are not needed, for example smell and taste. You’re driving down the motorway at 70mph, minding your own business, then suddenly a car goes flying past you, startling you into a state of high alter, ‘what the…was that?’. Once you know you are safe and the adrenaline drops back down you drift off in your driving again.

What happens as you drive your eyes drift into peripheral vision, which sends a signal to the brain that everything is safe and you can relax. Then when the car startles you your eyes going to foveal vision sending signals to the brain to look for danger. Once you know you’re safe it relaxes again.

Anxiety happens when you’re mind is looking for danger and is unable to find it and determine if it is safe or not. So when it can not find a reason to fight or flight or to relax, it will keep seeking. This then creates a danger in itself - well if you can not find a reason, then this is a reason itself to panic and worry. Anxiety is created to protect you - just the wrong method.

So using Hakalau (the learning state) you can get the signals to change from danger to relax (sympathetic nervous system to parasympathetic nervous system - stress to relax).

You pick a fixed point in the distance which is slightly above your eyeline (so you are looking forward and up - change your physiology). You focus upon that point and as you do you will use foveal vision (focused). Then allow your field of vision to increase slightly whilst still looking at the point in the distance. Keep increasing the field of vision wider and wider whilst still focusing upon the point.

If you put your arms out to your side at shoulder height and keep widening your vision so you can see both hands at the same time.

The further you widen your vision the greater the relax signals become, which also turns off the inner chatter. When you get full peripheral vision you will not be able to have inner chatter. Your vision field will decrease and chatter will start, so just increase it again.

You can also imagine a tennis ball floating above and behind your head and you can push your awareness to that space even though it is behind you and just your imagination (real or imagined).


All the skills together:

You can use all these skills individually and be massively successful, yet when you combined them all by changing your physiology, creating a new audio track and changing your vision you will find not only can you control your anxiety, you can beat it.

It is your machine and you can control it to create the outcomes you want. Many of my clients know what they don’t want which is great, but what do you want instead. When you know what you want you can focus upon that, finding it, creating whether it is real or imagined.

If you want to learn more about these skills and practice them I run a monthly FREE online LIVE workshop sharing these skills and more. You will need to book your space as they are often booked up quickly. Click here to check the dates of my next workshop and to claim your space.

Do let me know in the comments below how you get on with these skills or if you have any questions you want answered.

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